Thursday, July 1, 2010

Residue

I just want to say first up that Karli, if you read this -- you amaze and mystify me.

Tonight, I am in a twilight zone. I don't know whether today has been exceptionally good or horrifically bad, but maybe I should just take it as it was: another day, with its share of highs and lows.
I spent the first half of the day playing lab rat; it was actually a lot more fun than I make it sound. I met another nurse, who introduced me to the tube used to collect a salivary sample. Hawo, Mr. Tube. Anyway, I now have four fun little marks on my back from where the tester 'marked her spot' so she knew where to look tomorrow when they do their little biopsy. Participating in this study is proving to be really interesting.
I watched a documentary like last night or something about speech; my god it was fascinating. With the birds and what appears to be an actually innate call, and the video x-ray machines, the neurologists and the speech pathologists, and the mutation of the chromosomes.... this is what I was designed for.
Yeah, she's really coherent tonight. You would understand if you watched it.
Toy Story 3 was just incredible. I really want to go see it again in 3D, just because.
Bleh. L- keeps voicing concerns about being readmitted to the psych ward, which is reawakening my own concerns. I'm not even close to what I would have to be before they readmitted me, which is reassuring, but the threat still lingers and niggles away at my brain. L- isn't close, either, and it would be highly unlikely for them to actually readmit her, but I mean ... what is this? Why has a place that in all theory should have HELPED us left us emotionally scarred?
It's a hospital. It's a place where people are meant to get better. People aren't meant to be discharged with a new found panic attack-inducing fear of being readmitted. I mean, they're not supposed to like the idea ... but to have a reaction this extreme?
And it's not just me. It's L-, and it's K-, probably B- and C- as well. For god's sake, it's been almost two years and K- and I are still having nightmares.
Tad extreme, no?
But on the other hand, for now, we are all free. And that's worth a lot when I think back to the days of being cooped up within the same six rooms for weeks on end.
Bleh. Help schmelp.

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